Zurich-Almost to Spain

Well, I tried to get my first cup of shitty Switzerland coffee today, which as “tried” suggests, ended in complete failure. So, after attempt one, I headed back to my seat in what I have now come to term Zurich’s underground space station. For as of now I have been sitting in what I think is the basement of Zurich’s airport, though the vending and coffee machines look like they’re something straight up from the Jetsons, suggesting that I may secretly be in a Zurich underground space station, or—what I believe to be more likely—that I am in a place where the crippled are taken to die. After crutching my way out of the airplane after a 7 hr flight, I was ushered in Italian, Spanish, French, and Dutch (you would think English might be the first choice here) to a tattered looking cart used to transport the disabled. After strapping me in this funny little cart with no English instructions, I was left to wait as a hefty Spaniard made the 100 yard trek with her walker. This took roughly 14 minutes (I started timing after minute 6). The Zurich airport personnel also watched this journey, surprisingly, providing this poor lady with no assistance. After most of the disabled motley crew was loaded in the cart—some were left chasing after it in wheelchairs—we proceeded to sketchy portions of the airport. We were taken outside onto the runway, where a large white van piled us all in. At this point I was highly alarmed, having no idea what was going on and only being able to communicate with poor Spanish (prob should have studied Spanish on flight instead of watching “When in Rome”, in English, twice), and being loaded into a vehicle that tv has taught me general kidnaps people and robs them. My fears miraculously seemed to be somewhat alleviated and somewhat magnified at the same time when a creepily skinny airport personnel lady looked at my passport and boarding pass and then said in perfect English, “Oh, I thought your final destination was Zurich, I’m sorry”. Would have been nice if you had spoken English and asked earlier before we had left the airport. Anyways, I eventually returned to the airport and was dropped off in the basement/space ship/disabled elimination station, and assured that I would shortly be taken to my gate. I have now been here for over an hour deciphering what I believe to Switzerland’s cosmopolitan magazine. I hope this is not my final resting place.